- Send the gift of candy.

From Late Show with David Letterman; Monday, December 12, 1994

Top Ten Signs You’re A Bad Surgeon General

10. You’ve got a pack of Marlboros rolled up in your lab coat sleeve.

9. You never appear in public without a half-empty bottle of Bacardi rum.

8. Morning, noon and night, you can be found wandering around in a hospital gown.

7. Always confusing defibrillator with fry-o-lator.

6. You thought "Chicago Hope" was going to be a hit.

5. Your medical degree is from that correspondence school endorsed by Sally Struthers.

4. Instead of flu vaccine, you recommend so-called "flu-proof socks".

3. You smoke like a chimney and drink like a Kennedy.

2. You spend your entire day doing the very thing you said should be taught in school.

1. Your cure for heart disease: Zima.

[Music: "Like a Surgeon" by Weird Al Yankovic]

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